dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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