Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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