What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
