maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
