So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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