He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
