she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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