Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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