Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
