weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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