He kissed a someone with a penis
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
