I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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