Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
