He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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