Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
