he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
so much tequila, so little girl.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
