i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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