I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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