I molested 6 butterflies tonight
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
