I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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