Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
