you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
