I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
