She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I need to calm my uterus...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
She's better-looking with the mask on.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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