i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
