it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
