Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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