Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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