I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
