i think my mom watched the whole time
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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