Im at strip club and am horny
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
