I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
