she smelled like a LAN party
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
did i walk over a car last night?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
