wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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