you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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