they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
