this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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