Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
