I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
