So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
