So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
