we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
