Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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