I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
