the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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