Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
