If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
