Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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