Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
