Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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