like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
