Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So much rum. So many feels.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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