remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
