He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
