I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
