I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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