Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
