i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
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