***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My balls are so social today.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
