i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
