Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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