You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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